What If You Gave Yourself What You Actually Need?
Most people don’t struggle because they’re unaware of what they need.
They struggle because they overlook the basics.
Sleep. Rest. Play. Exercise. Connection. Space to recover. The things that keep a system regulated tend to be the first things sacrificed. People run on fumes for longer than they realize, convincing themselves they’ll circle back later, after this deadline, this season, this obligation. Often, they don’t. Or they don’t know how.
I see many people asking for help externally because they don’t yet know how to give it to themselves. They reach for support, relief, or reassurance, but underneath it is something quieter: a need for rest, nourishment, fewer numbing habits, more meaningful connection, or a sense of purpose beyond survival mode.
Instead of responding to those needs, people push. They override signals from their bodies. They take on more. They struggle to say no. They overextend across work, family, and relationships. Over time, this becomes a way of living rather than a short-term response.
Part of this comes from culture. Listening to yourself can get labeled as selfish or indulgent. And yet, people are often more grounded, more present, and more generous when they tend to their needs rather than ignore them. Attunement doesn’t make someone less reliable, it often makes them more sustainable.
I was reminded of this recently in a very simple way. My niece was visiting, and after lunch, before 1 p.m., her usual nap time, she looked at me and said, “I’m ready for my nap. Can you take me upstairs?” No negotiation. No guilt. No justification. She recognized what she needed and responded to it. She’s three. And in that moment, she had it figured out better than most adults.
Self-awareness is knowing what you need. Self-response is actually giving it to yourself. Many people stop at awareness. They can name exhaustion, stress, or depletion but they don’t adjust. Over time, the cost becomes cumulative. The body and mind begin to break down. Irritability increases. Focus narrows. The system carries more strain than it was designed to hold.
We often confuse strength with productivity, availability, or appearing to have it all together. But real maturity looks different. It’s knowing your strengths and your limitations; and acknowledging both. It’s recognizing what you can do and what you don’t need to do.
This becomes especially complicated for people who are caregivers or high-functioning by nature. Just because you can step in doesn’t mean you always should. Sometimes maturity is solving the problem. Other times it’s creating space for someone else to do so or gently handing it back. If you find yourself needing to be everyone’s hero, that’s usually a signal worth paying attention to.
Giving yourself what you need doesn’t have to be dramatic or performative. It often looks like understanding your body, honoring your rhythms, and building routines that support you quietly. Not broadcasting it. Not explaining it. Simply doing it because it serves you.
If there’s one permission I would offer here, it’s this:
It’s not just okay to take care of yourself.
You need to.
Listening to yourself isn’t a luxury.
It’s how you stay connected to who you are.
About the Author
Sarah Currie, Ph.D., LCMHC, is a licensed clinical mental health counselor at Halos Counseling. She works with individuals, couples, and families, helping them navigate life transitions, emotional complexity, and personal growth with clarity and compassion.