LONGING: HOW DESIRE REVEALS WHAT REALLY MATTERS
Lately, I’ve noticed the theme of longing surfacing again and again in conversations with clients. I think of it as longing, a place where the soul lives, whispering reminders of what really matters. No matter the age or stage of life, longing seems to weave its way in. For some, it’s the ache for friendships that once felt effortless. For others, it’s the hope of creating a life that feels more aligned with their values. The longings may look different, but they’re universal every one of us carries them.
Longing is not weakness. It is a clarifier, a North Star, even a sacred space. But it can take us in very different directions depending on how we relate to it.
When Longing Propels Us Forward
In its healthiest form, longing feels almost like hope. There may be tears in your eyes, but they are soft tears, the kind that say, this matters, and maybe it’s possible. This kind of longing gives us courage to take small, incremental steps toward what we value most.
For example, a client might long for deeper connection in their relationships. By naming that longing, they also begin to see the path: reaching out, risking vulnerability, and choosing presence over distraction.
When Longing Holds Us Back
But longing can also get stuck. Sometimes it circles endlessly around what once was a college season when friends were always nearby, the years when children filled the house with noise and laughter, or even a past romantic relationship that once felt full of promise. The ache is real, but instead of moving forward, it anchors us in nostalgia or rumination.
Other times longing is silenced before it ever finds words. For many people, it feels safer not to want at all than to risk disappointment. Yet in pushing longing away, we also push away a piece of our soul.
Two Core Questions of Longing
If longing is where the soul lives, then tending to it requires two honest questions:
Is this longing something to move toward, or something to honor and release?
What does this longing clarify about what really matters?
The Layers of Longing
Longing backward reminds us of what was good. It carries gratitude wrapped in grief.
Longing forward points us toward alignment between our values and our lives. It carries direction and hope.
Longing suppressed may be the heaviest of all, because it keeps us from naming or pursuing what matters most.
Longing is not something to dismiss or fear. It is a tender teacher. It tells us what we care about, what we miss, and what we still desire. Sometimes it moves us forward. Sometimes it asks us to release. Always, it points us back to the heart of who we are.
So maybe the question isn’t whether longing will find us, it already has. The deeper question is: will we slow down enough to listen?
Making It Personal
Longing is not something to push aside, it’s an invitation to pause and listen.
What is a longing you’ve carried recently, for something past or something possible?
Does this longing invite you to honor and release, or to move forward with small steps?
What does this longing reveal about what really matters most to you?
Take ten quiet minutes this week to write down a longing you’ve been carrying. Don’t edit or judge it, just name it. Then ask yourself: What is the most compassionate next step with this longing? To release it? To nurture it? To act on it? Let that be your guide as you move forward.
About the Author
Sarah Currie, Ph.D., LCMHC
Sarah Currie is a licensed counselor at Halos Counseling who helps individuals and couples move from feeling stuck to living with greater freedom and self-awareness. She creates a compassionate, honest space for growth and believes the resources for healing already live within each person.