If You Know, You Know: The Quiet Strength of Mothers

As I started this blog, I found myself trying to think of the right story to share about my mom to set the tone. There are so many. I am fortunate, from my perspective, to still live close to my mom. So where I landed were two stories from this week.

I woke up Tuesday morning with the usual spring head cold. At first, I discounted it as allergies. But as the day went on, I realized it was probably something more and headed to urgent care, where I found out it was an ear infection.

Even at 49, once my mom found out I wasn’t feeling well, she encouraged me to go on to urgent care, texted multiple times over the next several days, offered to get anything I needed, and reminded me to rest and drink plenty of fluids. There is a general sense of care, of kindness, that even as an adult my mom is still attuned to my wellbeing.

My mom also mentioned to her sister that I wasn’t feeling well when she stopped by. Later, my Aunt Kitty sent a text checking in and hoping I felt better. Care has a way of moving through generations like that, quietly, naturally, without anyone needing recognition for it.

The second story is really about grace. On Friday, we headed to lunch with another cousin at a local barbecue place. As we were driving there, I realized I had forgotten Mom’s wheelchair. This may have only been the second time I have done that in 15-plus years. Her response was immediate kindness. “That’s fine. You can just help me walk in, ” no shame, no frustration, no lecture. She actually saw as an opportunity to move more.

We got lucky with a front-row parking spot. Kelley helped hold the doors, and the staff saved us a nearby table. But as I reflected on it later, I thought: isn’t that motherhood in many ways? The ability to extend grace when your child makes a mistake. The ability to steady a situation instead of intensify it.

My whole life I have found myself surrounded by solid moms, both in my personal life and in the therapy room too. And the older I get, the more I think motherhood often reveals itself in ordinary moments more than grand ones. Maybe that’s part of the reason people say, “If you know, you know.” Because there are things moms carry, notice, absorb, and do that often go unseen. Things that are hard to explain unless you have lived closely enough to witness them.

So maybe here are a few ways moms make a difference in the world:

1. They do what is needed without needing recognition.
   There is something about the quiet leadership of mothers. The ability to step in, support, comfort, organize, carry, and steady things without needing the spotlight. Particularly in moments where words cannot fully communicate what is needed.

2. They often see gifts in us before we see them ourselves.
   Good moms have a way of noticing the uniqueness in their children and nurturing it instead of controlling it. They help create environments where people feel safe enough to become themselves.

3. They keep believing.
   Even in hard seasons. Even when things are messy. Moms often carry an unwavering belief in their children long before those children believe in themselves.

4. They show up steadily.
   Not perfectly, but consistently. Through ordinary Tuesdays, sicknesses, graduations, heartbreaks, rides to school, late-night phone calls, and everyday life. Much of motherhood is built in the repetition of showing up.

5. They show us what strength looks like.
   Mothers often carry more than people realize. They make hard decisions, work demanding jobs, advocate fiercely for the people they love, and continue showing up even when they are exhausted themselves. Not all strength is loud. Sometimes strength looks like perseverance. Like holding a family together during difficult seasons. Like doing what is right, even when it is hard.

I also realize not everyone has a mother who reflects the characteristics I mentioned. Some relationships with mothers are painful, complicated, distant, or no longer present at all. There is space in this conversation to grieve that too.

But I also hope somewhere along your journey you have experienced women who stepped into those gaps in some way. Teachers, grandmothers, aunts, friends, mentors, or neighbors, women who offered care, steadiness, encouragement, or safety when you needed it most.

Maybe motherhood, at its best, is less about perfection and more about presence. And if you know, you know.

About the Author

Sarah Currie, Ph.D., LCMHC, is a therapist at Halos Counseling. She is passionate about helping people better understand themselves, their relationships, and the stories that shape their lives.