How We Talk to Ourselves Matters: Leaning In with Self- Compassion

How many conversations a day do you have completely in your own head?

These inner dialogues can show up for all kinds of reasons. Sometimes they help us process or see things from different angles. Other times, they become a cycle or rut we just can’t seem to break. They might be a coping mechanism we learned when it didn’t feel safe to express our thoughts or feelings out loud. And often, they’re a way we prepare ourselves for what might happen.

Sound familiar? You’re not alone.

This pattern is often referred to as overthinking or overintellectualizing, and it’s easy to slip into, especially when it’s become a habit, particularly one developed in response to trauma or emotional overwhelm.

Here’s the thing: this habit isn’t necessarily bad. But it does need to be balanced.

Balance, in this context, means recognizing when your inner monologue is keeping you disconnected whether it’s from others, from your body, or from your own sense of calm. These mental spirals can also keep us from recognizing how our thoughts are showing up physically, like a racing heart, clenched stomach, or tight chest, because we’ve learned to stay in our head instead of checking in with our whole self.

As a self professed over intellectualizer, I know this firsthand. I’ve often found myself frustrated with the thoughts looping in my mind. At one point, I even developed a go to phrase: “No, no, we don’t do that anymore.” I’d say it to myself like a reprimand, like I was scolding a child for wandering off.

Eventually, I realized that this way of talking to myself lacked compassion. I wasn’t being gentle with myself. I wasn’t offering understanding or kindness. I was jumping straight into discipline instead of nurture. But change doesn’t grow well in criticism. It needs care. And I needed to give myself grace for even being on the journey of change.

It’s not just about taking care of yourself.
It’s about taking good care of yourself.

So let me ask:
How are you showing yourself compassion as you work through new habits?
How can you offer yourself the same care you would extend to someone you love?

And here’s a reminder:
You don’t have to earn that care. You don’t have to justify it.
Your well being matters, no explanation required.

Take a moment to consider what it looks like to show up for yourself in meaningful ways. It might be rest. Or journaling. Or a walk. Or meditation. Or time with a good book. We each have our own combination of what works. Let your approach be led by compassion, not correction.

If this resonates with you and you’re looking for support as you grow in self compassion and agency, we’d love to walk with you.
Reach out to Halos Counseling—your journey is worth it.

About the Author

Erin Cook, EdD, is a seasoned educator and mental health advocate who brings deep insight and warmth to her collaboration at Halos Counseling. With experience as a teacher and school administrator, Erin is passionate about helping individuals and families thrive emotionally, relationally, and personally. Learn more about her work: Meet Erin.